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Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Meditate for Wellness

I create my own meditations, using favorite affirmations to which I resonate. I’ve been recording them whenever I require a new one, using the voice recorder on my phone. It’s easy to do. I’m the person who knows what's best for me, so why use someone else’s meditation — someone who perhaps doesn’t know the first thing about me, my stressors, or concerns. Allow me to demonstrate what I mean.

The Wind Down

This first part is what I call my wind down. It may take a few minutes, depending on the level of stressors of the day. I relax as much as possible, in a quiet space by myself. I speak audibly in a soft, low voice, to soothe myself. I slow my speech right down and leave long, silent pauses between phrases. To slow myself down from a busy day, I may even count silently (to five or ten) between phrases of my meditation. Why do I do this? So that I may really feel deeply the reassuring words I speak to myself. I visualize that my inner self — my higher self — my soul who loves me deeply — is doing the speaking. This process is very much a part of my self-love, self-care routine for my personal vital well-being.

I learned that deep breathing stimulates the Vagus nerve. Slow breathing, with an equal time for in-breath and out-breath, has multiple benefits. Slow breathing lowers blood pressure, reduces anxiety, and enables the body to make the healthy switch from the high stresses of the day (fight-or-flight/sympathetic mode) — to the calmer, more relaxed (rest-and-repair/parasympathetic) state which ensures calmness and a sense of well-being.

Counting slowly helps to decelerate myself. It's like driving a car and letting my foot off the gas pedal, without braking. No rush, just coast my way to calmness. After all, I'm by myself now, not caught on the office treadmill or the traffic gridlock. I learned that breathing five or six breaths a minute can be extremely helpful. Let’s do the math:

60 / 6 = 5 seconds for an in-breath, 5 seconds for an out-breath, which means I deep breathe six times per minute.

I breathe from my belly — slowly. As I breathe in, my belly expands out, filling my belly with air. As I breathe out, my belly concaves in, emptying the air from my belly. The more my belly expands out and concaves in, the deeper I’m breathing. This exercise is healthy for the Vagus nerve.

The Vagus nerve connects the brain to each organ of the body.
Diagram credit with gratitude:

Create a Personalized Meditation

The second step is to create a twenty-minute meditation, based on what I learned about the Vagus nerve’s importance for wellness. I also loved what Dr. Mercola said about the two brains — the first brain located in the gut and how it communicates with my other brain — in my head. The two brains are connected via the Vagus nerve. For me personally, that means the line of communication between the two must be clear and healthy, similar to any two-way communication. No cutting out or static allowed. If the communication between the two occurs without interference, well-being is assured.

But, really it’s much more than the gut-brain connection, because the Vagus nerve also connects all   my body’s organs to the brain. All my organs are being monitored by the brain in my head. All the more reason to do everything to love myself, for the sake of the well-being of all my organs!

Abbreviated Example

(To be read aloud in your slowest, most soothing and most loving voice)
"May you feel safe (five-to-ten-second pause)
May you feel happy (pause)
May you feel healthy (pause)
May you live with ease and joy (pause)
and vital well-being (pause)"
(Repeat as many times as you desire)

See what I mean about using your own voice to soothe and comfort yourself? Some might say it is a kind of "re-parenting". These are reassuring words perhaps many of us wish our mothers might have used to comfort us through our childish fears. Even so, our own inner being will serve the purpose very well, if we allow our inner healer to be real.

If you need more ideas for affirmations, check out the book “Heal Your Body" by Louise Hay. It’s available in Audible book, Kindle book, or Print book.

Just try to stay awake after you try my super-duper-meditation strategy for vital well-being. It can’t be done. So, all I can say in conclusion is “Sweet dreams.”

Feel free to comment in the morning (yawn). G’night.


Diagram credit of cranial nerves attach to all organs with gratitude to theheartysoul

Functions of the Vagus Nerve on

Dr. Mercola reference to Vagus nerve

Saturday, August 11, 2018

The Shadow of Patriarchal Ideology

“The Boys” — as my siblings were known — always came first, before me, in our family. The one girl — me — was a “waste of good food”, according to my patriarchal father. My father figured girls have less value than boys and sadly, his warped ideology impacted me greatly as a child. I was keenly aware of the imbalance between me and my brothers because their scorn was always “in my face”. My brothers were taught the dogma of my father at our weekly home Bible Study sessions. As a result of that parental “training” in the name of god, they didn’t want to play with me or even share their toys with me because as they accused, “You’re a girl”. I can still hear the disdain in their voices. Their attitude and treatment of me left me feeling unsafe and unwanted — an issue I addressed in a previous blog called, Finding Safety in My Skin.

How does the patriarchal ideology affect me even today? I have been wondering if my fear of being poisoned by eating toxic “conventional” food is a result of knowing that I was an unwanted child. Being the black sheep of the family affected me even more profoundly since the year 2000 when I got myself disfellowshipped from the family religion. Now I’m being actively shunned, declared “mentally diseased” by the religion’s elders and — in effect — treated as dead by believing family members.

Something else occurred to me. Would a toxic belief system be just as death-dealing to the body as eating poisoned food?

Next I speculated that I'm not the only one in the family being affected adversely by this toxic belief system. My brothers are harmed, too. Just differently. I wish for their health and well-being, too. I'd like to see them heal from our toxic family religion. Alas, that is their journey, so the decision must be theirs, not mine.

Naturally, those insights led to more questions. How do I let go of all their toxic condemnation? What prevents me from internalizing the death cult’s grip? Am I awake enough to realize the need to let those layers upon layers of old, sick ideologies slide off of me and live my life as a free sovereign being?

During my independent search for answers, I came to realize that the god whom the family worships is not almighty, but rather, it is a demigod with delusions of grandeur. Once I realized that the religion who claims to represent their god is just as false as their faux god, it became apparent that there is nothing to fear. Their god is nothing but an illusion.

I did another Internet search to find the difference between god and the devil. Interestingly, site after site indicated they are two sides of the same coin, as a duality. The evil that the so-called god of the Bible commits is just as horrific as what the devil commits. Why couldn't I see this while I was a member of the religion? Then again, better late than never. No wonder the Watchtower publishing company commands its adherents to avoid the Internet. Too many contrary beliefs to withstand scrutiny!

Just what does the family religion teach?

YHWH is a jealous and vindictive god — and full of fear, so why wouldn't his followers be fearful as well?:

“But their altars you people are to pull down, and their sacred pillars you are to shatter, and their sacred poles you are to cut down. For you must not prostrate yourself to another god, because Jehovah whose name is Jealous, he is a jealous God; for fear that you may conclude a covenant with the inhabitants of the land."—Exodus 34:13-15 *(NWT)

YHWH demanded human blood sacrifices as retribution:

“... Jehovah proceeded to kill every firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of man to the firstborn of beast. That is why I am sacrificing to Jehovah all the males that open the womb, and every firstborn of my sons I redeem.”—Exodus 13:15

In order to continue the family lineage incest (in secret) was permitted by YHWH. The women got blamed, according to the story:

"And the firstborn proceeded to say to the younger woman: "Our father is old and there is not a man in the land to have relations with us according to the way of the whole earth. Come, let us give our father wine to drink and let us lie down with him and preserve offspring from our father." So they kept giving their father wine to drink during the night; then the firstborn went in and lay down with her father, but he did not know when she lay down and when she got up."—Genesis 19:31-34 (Italics mine)

YHWH threatens extreme violent death to innocent family members:

"…By the sword they will fall. Their own children will be dashed to pieces, and their pregnant women themselves will be ripped up.”—YHWH, Hosea 13:16

YHWH graphically describes the violent death of children, even though children are naturally innocent.

"Happy will he be that grabs ahold and does dash to pieces [y]our children against the crag.”—Psalms 137:9

YHWH condones cannibalism:

"Then you will have to eat the fruit of your belly, the flesh of your sons and your daughters, whom Jehovah your God has given you, because of the tightness and stress with which your enemy will hem you in"—Deuteronomy 28:53

The only way for people to be attracted to the Jehovah's Witnesses religion is if they carried fear in equal measure to the fearful god of the Bible. Thus followers would be vibrating similarly via the emotion of fear.

My Search Didn't Stop There

I did more searching for websites narrating who the god of the Bible really is. This site accurately portrays what the family religion teaches, even though it is a Masonic site. Curiously, I have been seeing many parallels between the Jehovah’s Witnesses and the Freemasons as of late, right down to their toolbox of deception. Jehovah’s Witnesses’ tactic known as “theocratic warfare” means “crafting deception in the name of god.” I challenge my relatives to take a look for themselves.

Truly, YHWH is not a god to worship or trust if you’re a person of integrity. He is an evil, narcissistic, and psychopathic entity. He is the instigator of wars, he slaughters innocent ones, he corrupts business and politics, he deceives the human soul away from it’s true purpose. He rules humanity through their lust for power, sex, and wealth. You don't have to believe me. Do your own research.

In view of this latest investigation, I asked myself another question: Is this a god that I would wish to worship? My answer came easily: “No.”

Once I saw through the multiple cracks in the facade of which the family holds up as a loving religion, it was easy for me to flush those old belief systems down the drain. I now allow Mother Gaia — our Earth Mother or whatever you call nature — to remove from my psyche everything contrary to my highest interests. I came to realize that the family religion has never served my highest good. This awesome realization helped me further free myself of the family’s religious bondage.

If I tried to hold onto any shards of the family ideology, I would be self-sabotaging. Why? Because the very foundations of their belief system — built on deception, violence, and abuse — set me up for failure if I dared to leave. Yet, my new-found knowledge could not possibly prevent me from abandoning the harmful beliefs. In fact, my continued existence and happiness depended upon my leaving.

Seeing the Shadows as Instructive

Examining the shadows of our life as instructive.
With gratitude for image by Aidinciv - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0

It is important to look at the shadows in our lives, because we can learn valuable lessons from such an investigation. As an object lesson, I studied a tree in our yard. As I walked around it, I studied the light and shadows. I came to realize I'd only be seeing part of the tree if I only allowed myself to examine the light, without acknowledging the shadows.

Rejecting the patriarchal religion does not mean I am a feminist. Since leaving the family religion, I have been discarding layer after layer of antiquated beliefs. It is a process, but it's doable. Instead of believing in the dominance of the male, I feel a healthy balance could be struck between the male and female aspects in each of us. I choose to believe in the balance of male and female where both together equal a harmonious team. I figure if I am in balance within myself — and my partner finds his own balance of male and female aspects — then our relationship with each other likewise naturally becomes more balanced. We are a work in progress and it feels gratifying to be part of a cooperative team.

I’m pleased that I am able to see through the falseness of the religion in my family of origin. I never want to stop learning. Seeing through the deception made it possible to change my beliefs. It was the only way to regain my physical and mental health. So I’ll continue to believe in myself, rather than some rogue god of ancient writings.

As far as the issue of toxic beliefs being compared to eating toxic food, we made a decision to buy only organic produce, since the "conventional" food is generally known to be heavily sprayed with toxic pesticides. Organic eating adds another dimension of safety for us. We made a point of searching deeper into the question of organic vs. conventional food besides the questions around belief. The research was convincing.

Furthermore, we choose love, peace, health, happiness, and the freedom to be true to ourselves. All told, that feels like vital well-being!
* Unless otherwise indicated, all scriptures 
are quoted from Jehovah’s Witnesses’ own Bible, 
New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures (NWT) 
because it’s the only one they believe to be “accurate”, 
even though no Bible scholars were used 
in the translating of the text.

Related Reading

Finding Safety in My Skin

Friday, August 3, 2018

Pedo-philes? Or Pedo-rapists?

Here is an article located on a Catholic news website about the legal problems Jehovah's Witnesses religion are now facing, which may or may not take some of the heat off the Catholics:

Jehovah’s Witness leader urges elders to destroy sex abuse records

I had already heard something in the wind from watching some of my favorite YouTube people, (Kim and Mikey) but the Catholic news has now confirmed that much by reprinting an article from RAWSTORY US.

Video: Watchtower Leaders: "Destroy Evidence — Satan is Coming After Us!"

Folks who left the Jehovah's Witnesses faith are becoming whistle-blowers, exposing the religion's corruption. I guess the top leaders of their cultish pyramid never expected the Internet would become a tool we might use to network with other ex-members. The religious leaders expected that shunning us would mean the end of us. Instead, we're just beginning. Personally, I have a few questions and a few comments about their fear-induced reaction to our truth bombs.

What's with all the child rape by adults in high up positions these days?

Has it always been that way? Or is the problem getting worse?

Will Luciferians win the hearts of humanity? Or will such pervasive evil somehow be dismantled?

How come the mainstream news rarely covers this kind of story?

Personally, I don't understand how a civilized humanity could allow such atrocities to occur against our most vulnerable members — our precious children. Perhaps humanity is not all that civilized after all, especially by the elites who believe our beloved children are to be used for such a selfish purpose.

The elites of influence have even "softened" the meaning of the word "pedophile". When you break the word apart, pedo means child — and philia is the Greek term meaning "love" according to wicktionary. Ask a baby or a child who has been raped if that's how they felt toward their abuser. Likely, terror and pain is what they experienced. It becomes obvious to any rational human that adults are not compatible sexually with children.

Therefore, I conclude a more accurate description of an abuser might be "pedo-rapist". Children often don't understand what is happening when adults rape them. They often "leave their bodies" or "dissociate" when being inflicted with the act of rape. Sometimes they bury the awful memories deep into their subconscious until much later in life. Perhaps the rapists see themselves as benevolent — and certainly a child may comply — simply because they are over-powered by all the "strangeness" occurring. Saddest of all, children who have endured rape may incur trauma that could last a lifetime.

Kwan Yin, Goddess of Compassion
is a Bodhisattva.
She has vowed to stay with humanity
until all beings are healed.
Beautifully illustrated by Hrana Janto

Will apathy help the situation? Martin Luther King Jr. has an appropriate answer, "It may well be that we will have to repent in this generation. Not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people who sit around and say, 'Wait on time.'"~Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches. In other words, "Stay silent and wait on God" which is exactly what JW elders tell their sex abuse victims.

"The wind and the waves are unseen and seen forces in nature. We have the same elements in our own lives. These unseen and seen forces are karma and free will."~Kuan Yin, Goddess of Compassion

Impactful statement, "The marks humans leave are too often scars."~John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

And let's end on a humorous note, "If you step on people in this life, you're going to come back as a cockroach."~Willie Davis

Got an opinion? I'd love to hear what you think in the comments below.

Related Reading:

Jehovah's Witnesses and Pedophilia Official Investigation by the Australian Royal Commission.

Friday, June 8, 2018


As I write I am reminded how, when I left the family religion, I recognized the urgency of purging the old beliefs, lest I self-destruct. “You can’t survive if you leave” was a big part of the lifetime of conditioning I received since birth.

“No, don’t believe that, sweet one. You can survive and in fact thrive upon leaving — by reprogramming your belief system,” counters my inner being.

My inner being was right. I am learning that leaving the religion is like cleaning out viruses on my computer. Remove the dysfunctional programming and get back a smooth-running computer. More like when it was new. Or I might even have to buy a whole new computer system, depending on the damage or dysfunction. Unless I’m a technician in this field, I may opt to hire a professional to have a look.

So yes, I was deeply conditioned to look outward to attune to my surroundings. As a frightened young girl, I had to constantly study my father and out-think him for my own safety. I ran away from home at the age of sixteen and learned to survive in the city after knowing only farm life. When I got married I attuned myself to my husband and later two children who came along. As a Jehovah’s Witness, I constantly had to attune myself to the religious rules of the day and was compelled to keep up with all the “new light” of their shifting rules, regulations, and standards of righteousness. And no, I could never measure up to the perfection demanded of me.

During my lifetime, I broke down on three separate occasions: once after my father died, once when I discovered my husband’s (at the time) infidelity, and more recently, when pushing myself to stay in a job which I had long since outgrown. I found myself suffering with extreme adrenal fatigue and my doctor suggested I take some time off work. After a year of sick leave, I decided it was best to retire. It’s been two years and I’m still recuperating.

Yes, I did self-criticize. Yes I did put myself down — perhaps to beat others to the punch. It’s that lack of fitting in that “did me in.” I couldn’t even eat with that bunch at work. The last time I ate with them I got food poisoning. I always look for a metaphysical meaning behind illnesses — and that incident told me I worked in a toxic environment. When I started working with those people ten years earlier, I vibrated similarly. Perhaps. Later, my perceptions were confirmed by three separate therapists.

Since leaving the job, I’m meditating and having deep realizations about what’s been happening to me. Simply put, my repeated illnesses were symptomatic of what happens when I’m too hard on myself. My body was on overload, trying to protect me from perceived harms. It’s all related to the conditioning I received as a child who received very little love or support from my parents in a dangerous world in unpredictable times.

Now, I can thank my Self for bringing me this awareness about my behavior. Now I know I’m on the right track. It’s like the dream I had the other night about the car driving itself down the highway all by itself and taking a wrong turn into the mud. I got behind the wheel to get back onto the highway. In effect, I was taking charge of my life right then, in that moment. Time for self-care.

I’m grateful for my downtime, so I might take care of my Self instead of the demands and whims of everyone else. I am reminded of when I board a plane and hear the spiel about when the oxygen mask falls, to put it on yourself first, before taking care of another. Makes perfect sense — now.

Related Reading:
(the concept of “being set up to fail” is considered)
Deconstructing Religion
Kindness of a Stranger
Initiation Into a Cult
Pick Up Your Cot and Walk

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Tower of Babel and Confusion

There is a Bible Story found in the Book of Genesis where humans decided they would build a tower into the heavens and make a great name for themselves.

“Now all the earth continued to be of one language and of one set of words. ...They declared, “Come on! Let us build ourselves a city and also a tower with its top in the heavens and let us make a celebrated name for ourselves...”—Genesis 11:1, 4

They did accordingly. When their jealous god discovered their intentions he raged in verses 6 and 7,

“They are one people and there is one language for them all, and this is what they start to do. Why, now there is nothing that they may have in mind to do that will be unattainable for them. Come now! Let us go down and there confuse their language that they may not listen to one another’s language." Accordingly Jehovah scattered them from there over all the surface of the earth and they gradually left off building the city.”

Herein lies a lesson for modern times. Governments now use language to confuse and scatter entire populations of people. With what agenda? Same as in Bible times, perhaps? In modern times we see governments throwing together incompatible groups to produce confusion. The most obvious example is the USA with it's constitutional law being thrown together with groups who adhere to Sharia Law. As an observer, it becomes apparent this move by governments is a divide-and-conquer strategy.

Governments today are using g00gle — or if you want to shuffle the words around el g00g becomes a palindrome — if you leave out the pronoun “el” in the g00g example. Palindrome is a word, phrase, number, or other sequence of characters which reads the same backward as forward, such as madam or racecar. More at Wikipedia

Within the word “spelling’ is found the root word “spell” defined by as

1. A word, phrase, or form of words supposed to have magic power; charm; incantation: e.g., The wizard cast a spell.
2. A state or period of enchantment: e.g., She was under a spell.
3. Any dominating or irresistible influence; fascination: e.g., The spell of fine music.

And if you think I was out of line by saying g00g is a misapplied palindrome, that particular spelling is found literally at the link "" at the Alphabet website in the article "G is for g00gle".

As near as I can tell — and correct me if I’m wrong — g00g is weaponizing language to destabilize entire populations of people. The company changed it’s name to Alphabet, which carries more sinister connotations. If you don’t believe me check out this title: Google Casts A Spell On Millennials With Harry Potter Voice Controls For Android. Some folks might say this app is satanic.

Conspiracy theorist that I am, it seems to me that g00g figures it “owns” your language, much like the god of the Bible who confused the languages back in the day. They will determine who uses it and how it is used, if they get their way. And they will exercise the tool of censorship to suppress dissenting voices. Seemingly, g00g is the Gestapo of the 21st century.

And even though g00g's nasty agenda has been "outed", your information is still being collected and stored. Check out the other apps they own to collect and store your data. Is this data assembly desirable? g00g/Alpha-bet, according to Librarian Shipwreck “are primarily of the cosmetic variety: the company has not gone away, your information is still being collected and stored, the projects that evoked Huxley and Orwell in equal measure are still continuing, the same people are running it, and the same ideology is driving it.”

Now, I’m not the first person to say that g00g is using the alphabet to cause confusion. I found the same sentiment expressed as far back as 2015 by Librarian Shipwreck, mentioned above.

Anyone investing in Alphabet is betting against humanity in a spiritual war of evil vs. good. The New World Order is weaponizing languages, political views, races, sexes, religions, genders, equity — and anything else they can think of — as a tool to bring down humanity by turning us against one another based on anything where they can insert a wedge of division or confusion. The g00g is just one fascist company with this agenda. There are many others and it’s time for humanity to awaken to their evil agenda and reject it.

Humanity has become just another resource for the rich to use to prop up their faux world of soulless corporations who want to own and enslave you.

Take a look at your values. Are you living true to your own personal values? Or are disparate and discordant values at odds with themselves, creating conflict and confusion in your life? In your family? In your community? In your world? Perhaps it is time for self-examination. I had to examine myself and become the change I wanted to see in the world.
  • I buy organic food because I — and all people — deserve real, clean food.
  • I drink only purified water, because there are literally pages of toxins in my community's tap water.
  • I refuse to buy genetically engineered anything including clothing.
  • I am working to eliminate toxins of all kinds from my life. No dryer sheets because they contain 800+ poisons to my skin, my home, and my environment.
  • I refuse to use chemical pesticides or herbicides in the yard.
  • I don't watch television because we don't even own a television.
  • I don't allow ads in my Internet side-bars to dictate what products to buy or who to vote for.
  • I shut off all news notifications to my phone

What are you doing to “be the change”, clean up your world, and produce harmonious relationships?


Visit website "Phoenix of Faith" the memoir. Follow on Twitter: _Phoenixoffaith Copyright © 2012 - 2018. Permission is granted to copy and re-distribute this transmission on the condition that it is distributed freely.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

g00gle is Censoring Me

In English

Yes, g00gle gestapo is censoring me for talking about my life experiences, offering my opinions, and speaking my truth. It appears they have diverted my blog site to come through Germany. The login header is in Ukrainian. Now, most of my viewers live in Russia, Portugal, and the Ukraine. I tried to upload my pictures to prove my point, but g00gle prevents me. Yes, I realize I have very few followers who could even witness g00gle's communist actions against me. But, here I go anyway.

Please let me know how well g00gle translates my English text?

In Russian
Да, g00gle gestapo цензурирует меня за то, что рассказывал о моих жизненных переживаниях, предлагал свои мнения и говорил правду.Похоже, они отвлекли мой блог, чтобы пройти через Германию. Заголовок входа находится на украинском языке.Сейчас большинство моих зрителей живут в России, Португалии и Украине.Я пытался загрузить свои фотографии, но g00gle меня не пугает.Да, я понимаю, что у меня очень мало последователей, которые могли даже наблюдать за коммунистическими действиями g00gle против меня. Но я все равно попытаюсь услышать. Дайте мне знать, насколько хорошо g00gle переводит мой английский текст?

In Portuguese
Sim, gmail gestapo está censurando-me por falar sobre minhas experiências de vida, oferecendo minhas opiniões e falando minha verdade. Parece que eles desviaram o site do meu blog para vir pela Alemanha. O cabeçalho de login é em ucraniano. Agora, a maioria dos meus espectadores vive na Rússia, em Portugal e na Ucrânia. Tentei carregar minhas fotos, mas g00gle me impede. Sim, percebo que tenho muito poucos seguidores que podem até testemunhar as ações comunistas de gOOgle contra mim. Mas, vou tentar me ouvir de qualquer maneira.

Deixe-me saber o quão bem o gikgle traduz meu texto em inglês?

In Ukrainian
Так, gestgle gestapo цензурує мене за розмову про моє життєвий досвід, пропонуючи свої думки та висловлюючи свою правду. Схоже, вони відвернули моє блог-сайт, щоб перейти через Німеччину. Заголовок входу є українською. Тепер більшість моїх глядачів живуть у Росії, Португалії та Україні. Я намагався завантажити мої фотографії, але g00gle перешкоджає мені.
Так, я розумію, що у мене дуже мало послідовників, які навіть могли спостерігати за комуністичними діями проти мене. Але, я спробую почути себе в будь-якому випадку.

Дозвольте мені знати, як добре g00gle перекладає мій англійський текст?

Thank you.

Monday, January 15, 2018

Love, Light, and Song

When I go for walks, I regularly see criss-crosses in the sky and I wonder, "What can little me do about this crime against humanity?"

While walking and pondering, I made up a little saying that soothed me. I wake up with songs in my head some mornings, so I set the words to my new music.

May there be love and light,
For the planet — and it's aura,
For all beings — and their auras,
May there be love and light.

Isn't the planetary atmosphere actually Earth's aura?

Geo-engineering the skies. Photo from website

I decided that the worst thing with which to present the evil on the planet is love and light. Isn't that why these beings are trying to block the sun in the first place? Yes, on the pretext of global warming — a ruse. No one has the right to interfere with nature. Humans don't understand everything about the balancing act in nature and it would be most beneficial if they would lay off the geo-engineering of our beautiful skies. I decided that I (and others) could fill the planet — and its atmosphere — with so much love that no evil could exist within that high a frequency!

Now, every day when I go for my walk, I see the criss-crosses in the sky and I am reminded of the little plan I have to contribute to the vital well-being of the planet.

I sing my little song.

Unbelievers can mock, but I find it soothing.

So love, light, and songs to all!

Visit website "Phoenix of Faith" the memoir. Follow on Twitter: _Phoenixoffaith Copyright © 2012 - 2018. Permission is granted to copy and re-distribute this transmission on the condition that it is distributed freely.

Friday, January 5, 2018

What is the Difference Between Loneliness and Solitude?

Loneliness and solitude are two different things. We can be alone yet happy, because we know we are part of something greater than one's self. On the other hand, loneliness is a feeling of not being part of anything — of being cut off. It is a feeling of unworthiness, of an inability to cope.

Becoming Human
by Jean Vanier
I have experienced both loneliness and solitude. Maybe that's why I chose to read Jean Vanier's book, Becoming Human. I felt lonely during my first marriage because my ex-husband and I lived in two different worlds. I didn't understand him and he didn't understand me. We didn't communicate very well about our differences.

I also felt lonely when I heard I had been disfellowshipped from the family religion. My family and friends instantly begin to shun me after one brief announcement from the Kingdom Hall platform, that the tribunal of elders decided to disfellowship me. The brief disclosure was a big shock to me because it was like these people could flip a switch — and their relationship with me was over. I tried to find that switch in my own heart, but alas, I proved unsuccessful. I missed my family and friends immensely. I felt extremely isolated and lonely, being torn away from those who I loved deeply. If it weren't for my newly-created dance community, I might not have survived their rejection and my feeling of utter isolation. I'm truly thankful I was able to open up to a few close dance friends and let them know what was going on with me and my estranged family. I found these kind folks to be very understanding and sympathetic. Unlike what I had been taught about so-called "worldly" people, these folks rallied around me and I felt truly grateful for their support as I think back now. I still feel gratitude all these years later. People need a support system when making massive life changes. My family and past friends were instructed to treat me as a dead woman.

My belief and experiences have shown me that one of the roots of human conflict is the way groups use religion to dominate one another. But, let me hasten to add here that if it were not religion used as a stick to beat others, it would just be something else.

But, not to dwell on the past — the reality is that it was time for me to move on and open myself up to all of humanity, not stay cloistered in a small group turned in on itself in sameness.

It is true I cannot be dancing all the time. In fact, I often find myself alone now. Not in loneliness, though, but in solitude. I began to create music. I also write, dabble with my art, and go for walks. For Christmas this year, I received classical music books, so I'm spending more time with my piano. I don't feel that same heavy loneliness and pervasive isolation anymore. For one thing, eighteen years have passed since leaving the family religion. I never did ask the elders for an appeal on their decision. In fact, I quite agreed with them that it was time for me to move on. And indeed, it is true that time is a wonderful healer. My second husband is much more understanding, communicative, and loving with me than the first one. I don't miss my children in that same agonizing way I used to when the shunning first happened. I suppose if it were a physical gaping wound, I would have grown a scab and then eventually be left with a scar where the gash used to be.

Undoubtedly, I do have an emotional scarring of sorts. Human beings are essentially the same in that we all belong to a common, broken humanity. We all have wounded, vulnerable hearts. We all need to feel loved, appreciated, accepted, and understood. I suppose we judge others according to our own fears and prejudices. In my case the "marker" is religion.

But, what if there were no religion "marker" to tell others what they were "supposed" to feel toward me?

What if there were no "marker"?

Could the "wall" be broken down?

What if there was no one telling my family to shun me? Would they still demonize, scorn, and reject me?

What if I knew nothing about the announcement of my being "disfellowshipped"? How would I respond differently towards my family?

For me, the "marker" is more like an anchor which keeps me in present time and shows me how much I've grown after leaving the family religion.

One of the fundamental issues of separation is for people to examine how to break down the walls that separate us from one another — how to open up to one another — how to create trust — how to open up the potential for dialogue.

Is the potential for dialogue at all possible under the strict rules of the "disfellowshipping order"? Or is obedience to religious rules more important than love for family members?

In the meantime, I remind myself that people are where they are on their soul's journey. It is what it is. It's got to be their personal choice, or else I might be accused of imposing rules on others. I will leave the matter at that.

And breathe!

As always, your comments are welcome.

Read more about Shunning:

Tribunal of Religious Elders (My personal story of judgment and condemnation)

Shunning Ex-Members is a Religious Requirement (Jehovah's Witnesses harsh religious rule about shunning ex-members is not a choice, members are obligated to shun)

Outgrowing Religion (How folks move on from old beliefs)

Kindness of a Stranger (Self-reflection about the "Disfellowshipping Order")

Obedience or Free Will (Well, which will it be?)

Initiation into a Cult (Two ways of finding oneself in a cult)

Kill the Apostates! (Religion using the scriptures to beat folks into submission — or else!)

Visit website "Phoenix of Faith" the memoir. Follow on Twitter: _Phoenixoffaith Copyright © 2012 - 2017. Permission is granted to copy and re-distribute this transmission on the condition that it is distributed freely.