Friday, June 8, 2018


As I write I am reminded how, when I left the family religion, I recognized the urgency of purging the old beliefs, lest I self-destruct. “You can’t survive if you leave” was a big part of the lifetime of conditioning I received since birth.

“No, don’t believe that, sweet one. You can survive and in fact thrive upon leaving — by reprogramming your belief system,” counters my inner being.

My inner being was right. I am learning that leaving the religion is like cleaning out viruses on my computer. Remove the dysfunctional programming and get back a smooth-running computer. More like when it was new. Or I might even have to buy a whole new computer system, depending on the damage or dysfunction. Unless I’m a technician in this field, I may opt to hire a professional to have a look.

So yes, I was deeply conditioned to look outward to attune to my surroundings. As a frightened young girl, I had to constantly study my father and out-think him for my own safety. I ran away from home at the age of sixteen and learned to survive in the city after knowing only farm life. When I got married I attuned myself to my husband and later two children who came along. As a Jehovah’s Witness, I constantly had to attune myself to the religious rules of the day and was compelled to keep up with all the “new light” of their shifting rules, regulations, and standards of righteousness. And no, I could never measure up to the perfection demanded of me.

During my lifetime, I broke down on three separate occasions: once after my father died, once when I discovered my husband’s (at the time) infidelity, and more recently, when pushing myself to stay in a job which I had long since outgrown. I found myself suffering with extreme adrenal fatigue and my doctor suggested I take some time off work. After a year of sick leave, I decided it was best to retire. It’s been two years and I’m still recuperating.

Yes, I did self-criticize. Yes I did put myself down — perhaps to beat others to the punch. It’s that lack of fitting in that “did me in.” I couldn’t even eat with that bunch at work. The last time I ate with them I got food poisoning. I always look for a metaphysical meaning behind illnesses — and that incident told me I worked in a toxic environment. When I started working with those people ten years earlier, I vibrated similarly. Perhaps. Later, my perceptions were confirmed by three separate therapists.

Since leaving the job, I’m meditating and having deep realizations about what’s been happening to me. Simply put, my repeated illnesses were symptomatic of what happens when I’m too hard on myself. My body was on overload, trying to protect me from perceived harms. It’s all related to the conditioning I received as a child who received very little love or support from my parents in a dangerous world in unpredictable times.

Now, I can thank my Self for bringing me this awareness about my behavior. Now I know I’m on the right track. It’s like the dream I had the other night about the car driving itself down the highway all by itself and taking a wrong turn into the mud. I got behind the wheel to get back onto the highway. In effect, I was taking charge of my life right then, in that moment. Time for self-care.

I’m grateful for my downtime, so I might take care of my Self instead of the demands and whims of everyone else. I am reminded of when I board a plane and hear the spiel about when the oxygen mask falls, to put it on yourself first, before taking care of another. Makes perfect sense — now.

Related reading in which the concept of “being set up to fail” is considered:
Deconstructing Religion
Kindness of a Stranger
Initiation Into a Cult
Pick Up Your Cot and Walk

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Tower of Babel and Confusion

There is a Bible Story found in the Book of Genesis where humans decided they would build a tower into the heavens and make a great name for themselves.

“Now all the earth continued to be of one language and of one set of words. ...They declared, “Come on! Let us build ourselves a city and also a tower with its top in the heavens and let us make a celebrated name for ourselves...”—Genesis 11:1, 4

They did accordingly. When their jealous god discovered their intentions he raged in verses 6 and 7,

“They are one people and there is one language for them all, and this is what they start to do. Why, now there is nothing that they may have in mind to do that will be unattainable for them. Come now! Let us go down and there confuse their language that they may not listen to one another’s language." Accordingly Jehovah scattered them from there over all the surface of the earth and they gradually left off building the city.”

Herein lies a lesson for modern times. Governments now use language to confuse and scatter entire populations of people. With what agenda? Same as in Bible times, perhaps? In modern times we see governments throwing together incompatible groups to produce confusion. The most obvious example is the USA with it's constitutional law being thrown together with groups who adhere to Sharia Law. As an observer, it becomes apparent this move by governments is a divide-and-conquer strategy.

Governments today are using g00gle — or if you want to shuffle the words around el g00g becomes a palindrome — if you leave out the pronoun “el” in the g00g example. Palindrome is a word, phrase, number, or other sequence of characters which reads the same backward as forward, such as madam or racecar. More at Wikipedia

Within the word “spelling’ is found the root word “spell” defined by as

1. A word, phrase, or form of words supposed to have magic power; charm; incantation: e.g., The wizard cast a spell.
2. A state or period of enchantment: e.g., She was under a spell.
3. Any dominating or irresistible influence; fascination: e.g., The spell of fine music.

And if you think I was out of line by saying g00g is a misapplied palindrome, that particular spelling is found literally at the link "" at the Alphabet website in the article "G is for g00gle".

As near as I can tell — and correct me if I’m wrong — g00g is weaponizing language to destabilize entire populations of people. The company changed it’s name to Alphabet, which carries more sinister connotations. If you don’t believe me check out this title: Google Casts A Spell On Millennials With Harry Potter Voice Controls For Android. Some folks might say this app is satanic.

Conspiracy theorist that I am, it seems to me that g00g figures it “owns” your language, much like the god of the Bible who confused the languages back in the day. They will determine who uses it and how it is used, if they get their way. And they will exercise the tool of censorship to suppress dissenting voices. Seemingly, g00g is the Gestapo of the 21st century.

And even though g00g's nasty agenda has been "outed", your information is still being collected and stored. Check out the other apps they own to collect and store your data. Is this data assembly desirable? g00g/Alpha-bet, according to Librarian Shipwreck “are primarily of the cosmetic variety: the company has not gone away, your information is still being collected and stored, the projects that evoked Huxley and Orwell in equal measure are still continuing, the same people are running it, and the same ideology is driving it.”

Now, I’m not the first person to say that g00g is using the alphabet to cause confusion. I found the same sentiment expressed as far back as 2015 by Librarian Shipwreck, mentioned above.

Anyone investing in Alphabet is betting against humanity in a spiritual war of evil vs. good. The New World Order is weaponizing languages, political views, races, sexes, religions, genders, equity — and anything else they can think of — as a tool to bring down humanity by turning us against one another based on anything where they can insert a wedge of division or confusion. The g00g is just one fascist company with this agenda. There are many others and it’s time for humanity to awaken to their evil agenda and reject it.

Humanity has become just another resource for the rich to use to prop up their faux world of soulless corporations who want to own and enslave you.

Take a look at your values. Are you living true to your own personal values? Or are disparate and discordant values at odds with themselves, creating conflict and confusion in your life? In your family? In your community? In your world? Perhaps it is time for self-examination. I had to examine myself and become the change I wanted to see in the world.
  • I buy organic food because I — and all people — deserve real, clean food.
  • I drink only purified water, because there are literally pages of toxins in my community's tap water.
  • I refuse to buy genetically engineered anything including clothing.
  • I am working to eliminate toxins of all kinds from my life. No dryer sheets because they contain 800+ poisons to my skin, my home, and my environment.
  • I refuse to use chemical pesticides or herbicides in the yard.
  • I don't watch television because we don't even own a television.
  • I don't allow ads in my Internet side-bars to dictate what products to buy or who to vote for.
  • I shut off all news notifications to my phone

What are you doing to “be the change”, clean up your world, and produce harmonious relationships?


Visit website "Phoenix of Faith" the memoir. Follow on Twitter: _Phoenixoffaith Copyright © 2012 - 2018. Permission is granted to copy and re-distribute this transmission on the condition that it is distributed freely.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

g00gle is Censoring Me

In English

Yes, g00gle gestapo is censoring me for talking about my life experiences, offering my opinions, and speaking my truth. It appears they have diverted my blog site to come through Germany. The login header is in Ukrainian. Now, most of my viewers live in Russia, Portugal, and the Ukraine. I tried to upload my pictures to prove my point, but g00gle prevents me. Yes, I realize I have very few followers who could even witness g00gle's communist actions against me. But, here I go anyway.

Please let me know how well g00gle translates my English text?

In Russian
Да, g00gle gestapo цензурирует меня за то, что рассказывал о моих жизненных переживаниях, предлагал свои мнения и говорил правду.Похоже, они отвлекли мой блог, чтобы пройти через Германию. Заголовок входа находится на украинском языке.Сейчас большинство моих зрителей живут в России, Португалии и Украине.Я пытался загрузить свои фотографии, но g00gle меня не пугает.Да, я понимаю, что у меня очень мало последователей, которые могли даже наблюдать за коммунистическими действиями g00gle против меня. Но я все равно попытаюсь услышать. Дайте мне знать, насколько хорошо g00gle переводит мой английский текст?

In Portuguese
Sim, gmail gestapo está censurando-me por falar sobre minhas experiências de vida, oferecendo minhas opiniões e falando minha verdade. Parece que eles desviaram o site do meu blog para vir pela Alemanha. O cabeçalho de login é em ucraniano. Agora, a maioria dos meus espectadores vive na Rússia, em Portugal e na Ucrânia. Tentei carregar minhas fotos, mas g00gle me impede. Sim, percebo que tenho muito poucos seguidores que podem até testemunhar as ações comunistas de gOOgle contra mim. Mas, vou tentar me ouvir de qualquer maneira.

Deixe-me saber o quão bem o gikgle traduz meu texto em inglês?

In Ukrainian
Так, gestgle gestapo цензурує мене за розмову про моє життєвий досвід, пропонуючи свої думки та висловлюючи свою правду. Схоже, вони відвернули моє блог-сайт, щоб перейти через Німеччину. Заголовок входу є українською. Тепер більшість моїх глядачів живуть у Росії, Португалії та Україні. Я намагався завантажити мої фотографії, але g00gle перешкоджає мені.
Так, я розумію, що у мене дуже мало послідовників, які навіть могли спостерігати за комуністичними діями проти мене. Але, я спробую почути себе в будь-якому випадку.

Дозвольте мені знати, як добре g00gle перекладає мій англійський текст?

Thank you.

Monday, January 15, 2018

Love, Light, and Song

When I go for walks, I regularly see criss-crosses in the sky and I wonder, "What can little me do about this crime against humanity?"

While walking and pondering, I made up a little saying that soothed me. I wake up with songs in my head some mornings, so I set the words to my new music.

May there be love and light,
For the planet — and it's aura,
For all beings — and their auras,
May there be love and light.

Isn't the planetary atmosphere actually Earth's aura?

Geo-engineering the skies. Photo from website

I decided that the worst thing with which to present the evil on the planet is love and light. Isn't that why these beings are trying to block the sun in the first place? Yes, on the pretext of global warming — a ruse. No one has the right to interfere with nature. Humans don't understand everything about the balancing act in nature and it would be most beneficial if they would lay off the geo-engineering of our beautiful skies. I decided that I (and others) could fill the planet — and its atmosphere — with so much love that no evil could exist within that high a frequency!

Now, every day when I go for my walk, I see the criss-crosses in the sky and I am reminded of the little plan I have to contribute to the vital well-being of the planet.

I sing my little song.

Unbelievers can mock, but I find it soothing.

So love, light, and songs to all!

Visit website "Phoenix of Faith" the memoir. Follow on Twitter: _Phoenixoffaith Copyright © 2012 - 2018. Permission is granted to copy and re-distribute this transmission on the condition that it is distributed freely.

Friday, January 5, 2018

What is the Difference Between Loneliness and Solitude?

Loneliness and solitude are two different things. We can be alone yet happy, because we know we are part of something greater than one's self. On the other hand, loneliness is a feeling of not being part of anything — of being cut off. It is a feeling of unworthiness, of an inability to cope.

Becoming Human
by Jean Vanier
I have experienced both loneliness and solitude. Maybe that's why I chose to read Jean Vanier's book, Becoming Human. I felt lonely during my first marriage because my ex-husband and I lived in two different worlds. I didn't understand him and he didn't understand me. We didn't communicate very well about our differences.

I also felt lonely when I heard I had been disfellowshipped from the family religion. My family and friends instantly begin to shun me after one brief announcement from the Kingdom Hall platform, that the tribunal of elders decided to disfellowship me. The brief disclosure was a big shock to me because it was like these people could flip a switch — and their relationship with me was over. I tried to find that switch in my own heart, but alas, I proved unsuccessful. I missed my family and friends immensely. I felt extremely isolated and lonely, being torn away from those who I loved deeply. If it weren't for my newly-created dance community, I might not have survived their rejection and my feeling of utter isolation. I'm truly thankful I was able to open up to a few close dance friends and let them know what was going on with me and my estranged family. I found these kind folks to be very understanding and sympathetic. Unlike what I had been taught about so-called "worldly" people, these folks rallied around me and I felt truly grateful for their support as I think back now. I still feel gratitude all these years later. People need a support system when making massive life changes. My family and past friends were instructed to treat me as a dead woman.

My belief and experiences have shown me that one of the roots of human conflict is the way groups use religion to dominate one another. But, let me hasten to add here that if it were not religion used as a stick to beat others, it would just be something else.

But, not to dwell on the past — the reality is that it was time for me to move on and open myself up to all of humanity, not stay cloistered in a small group turned in on itself in sameness.

It is true I cannot be dancing all the time. In fact, I often find myself alone now. Not in loneliness, though, but in solitude. I began to create music. I also write, dabble with my art, and go for walks. For Christmas this year, I received classical music books, so I'm spending more time with my piano. I don't feel that same heavy loneliness and pervasive isolation anymore. For one thing, eighteen years have passed since leaving the family religion. I never did ask the elders for an appeal on their decision. In fact, I quite agreed with them that it was time for me to move on. And indeed, it is true that time is a wonderful healer. My second husband is much more understanding, communicative, and loving with me than the first one. I don't miss my children in that same agonizing way I used to when the shunning first happened. I suppose if it were a physical gaping wound, I would have grown a scab and then eventually be left with a scar where the gash used to be.

Undoubtedly, I do have an emotional scarring of sorts. Human beings are essentially the same in that we all belong to a common, broken humanity. We all have wounded, vulnerable hearts. We all need to feel loved, appreciated, accepted, and understood. I suppose we judge others according to our own fears and prejudices. In my case the "marker" is religion.

But, what if there were no religion "marker" to tell others what they were "supposed" to feel toward me?

What if there were no "marker"?

Could the "wall" be broken down?

What if there was no one telling my family to shun me? Would they still demonize, scorn, and reject me?

What if I knew nothing about the announcement of my being "disfellowshipped"? How would I respond differently towards my family?

For me, the "marker" is more like an anchor which keeps me in present time and shows me how much I've grown after leaving the family religion.

One of the fundamental issues of separation is for people to examine how to break down the walls that separate us from one another — how to open up to one another — how to create trust — how to open up the potential for dialogue.

Is the potential for dialogue at all possible under the strict rules of the "disfellowshipping order"? Or is obedience to religious rules more important than love for family members?

In the meantime, I remind myself that people are where they are on their soul's journey. It is what it is. It's got to be their personal choice, or else I might be accused of imposing rules on others. I will leave the matter at that.

And breathe!

As always, your comments are welcome.

Read more about Shunning:

Tribunal of Religious Elders (My personal story of judgment and condemnation)

Shunning Ex-Members is a Religious Requirement (Jehovah's Witnesses harsh religious rule about shunning ex-members is not a choice, members are obligated to shun)

Outgrowing Religion (How folks move on from old beliefs)

Kindness of a Stranger (Self-reflection about the "Disfellowshipping Order")

Obedience or Free Will (Well, which will it be?)

Initiation into a Cult (Two ways of finding oneself in a cult)

Kill the Apostates! (Religion using the scriptures to beat folks into submission — or else!)

Visit website "Phoenix of Faith" the memoir. Follow on Twitter: _Phoenixoffaith Copyright © 2012 - 2017. Permission is granted to copy and re-distribute this transmission on the condition that it is distributed freely.